8/13/2023 0 Comments Kate murphy you re not listening![]() It’s the missed opportunity to connect when you weren’t listening or someone wasn’t really listening to you. Kate Murphy is a Houston, Texasbased journalist who has written for The New York Times, The Economist, Agence France-Presse, and Texas Monthly. She sat down with S&H to help us explore how to become better listeners. What makes us feel most lonely and isolated in life is less often the result of a devastating traumatic event than the accumulation of occasions when nothing happened but something profitably could have. Karen Keith Veteran journalist Kate Murphy wants to help us rediscover the lost art of listening. The lack of being known and accepted in this way leads to feelings of inadequacy and emptiness. It’s when someone takes an interest in who you are and what you are doing. Listening is about the experience of being experienced. Listening is not about teaching, shaping, critiquing, appraising, or showing how it should be done (“Here, let me show you.” “Don’t be shy.” “That’s awesome!” “Smile for Daddy.”). It’s what we all crave to be understood as a person with thoughts, emotions, and intentions that are unique and valuable and deserving of attention. ![]() “To listen well is to figure out what’s on someone’s mind and demonstrate that you care enough to want to know. She also has a commercial pilot's license, which she puts to good use when called upon to report from remote locations. She is known for her fresh and accessible way of explaining complex subjects, particularly the science behind human interactions, helping readers understand why people behave the way they do. Her eclectic and widely shared pieces have explored an extraordinary range of topics including health, technology, science, design, art, aviation, business, finance, fashion, dining, travel, and real estate. Kate Murphy is a Houston, Texas-based journalist whose work has appeared in The New York Times, The Economist, Agence France-Presse, and Texas Monthly. ![]() When given to someone, it’s a source of endless possibilities.Kate Murphy is a Houston, Texas-based journalist whose work has appeared in The New York Times, The Economist, Agence France-Presse, and Texas Monthly. It’s the glue that holds us together and connects us. Listening is about giving someone the gift of your attention. This is the key - by filling the silence you’re interrupting their thinking, which takes that opportunity away from them. The alternative was interrupting that silence with my own stuff and disturbing their thinking flow. That moment isn’t empty, it’s actually giving room for internal workings to happen. She makes accessible the psychology, neuroscience, and sociology of listening while also introducing us to some of the best listeners out there (including a CIA agent, focus group. The pressure builds in my head, my face feels hot….īut I know if I can just hold the moment a bit more, the person’s mind will be turning, connections made and a deeper insight appears. In this always illuminating and often humorous deep dive, Murphy explains why we’re not listening, what it’s doing to us, and how we can reverse the trend. When a moment of silence occurs in the conversation, I’m desperate to ask another question or fill the gap. I’ve spent many hours coaching people in the workplace on careers, overwhelm, imposter syndrome and leadership skills, and the most powerful insights are always found in the silent pauses. Youre Not Listening is an intriguing and constructive take on the problem. The fact that English speakers are generally so awkward around silence is partly why it’s such a powerful tool. A silent pause says ‘I’m in control, I know what I’m doing.’ The audience is thinking ‘ I need to pay attention to this. When Steve Jobs launched the first iPhone, he built so many silent pauses into his speech. According to this research study, American business people can tolerate a silent pause in conversations for 4.6 seconds. What one culture considers an awkward pause that causes embarrassment, others see as a valuable moment of reflection and a sign of respect.Īnd it’s really obvious in the business world. In Japanese culture, the power of silence comes from this. In Japan, they have a concept called harage i (literally translated as ‘belly talk’), which is the exchange of thoughts and feelings without speaking. That’s the secret sauce to great listening. You know the awkwardness that comes with silence?
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